Persona-'s?

Been a while since i have blogged but i was focusing on myself to understand where I am and what I am becoming. I found a lot of things changed in me but something that i have noticed a lot over the few weeks is how many persona's i have been adopting to. I have known myself forever :) of course forever and I still know how stable I am. I am strong, confident and very adamant (for good or bad) when i want something i go after it with all that i have got. I mostly achieve it as long its a thing but when it comes to people its hard to justify the statement that "I want the person and so i will go after him/her"

Ever heard the saying, "If you love something, let go of it and if it belongs to you, it will come back to you"? I heard it quiet often, even though the statement is pretty straight forward its not the easiest thing to do. From my point of view, simplest things are the most difficult to do in real life. Now that i let go of someone i am sharing mixed feelings on one hand i want the person to be with me so i can be happy while on the other hand i want the person to be happy which could mean the person might not be with me. I feel love for her and then i get angry at her, some people say its normal.

If i really love her, should i try to make her understand that i love her and that i would do anything to keep her happy or just let her be happy and move on with my life? How will i know if she is happy? or should i just be concerned about my happiness? People say, things happen and life goes on. How can you invest so much energy, time and self into something and then just let go of it but on the other hand if you dont let go of it, it will still let go of you and you end up being at the same place where you were. Always make an attempt but where does this attempt end?

Coming back to the persona's topic, like i mentioned i have mixed feelings about the person whenever i think about her in different situations. How do i control my emotions and come to a point where i can say, alright i let go of you? I do not have any emotions neither love nor anger against you. I would like to get there and am working on it everyday. I made my priorities in life, work, work and work as long as i am here but before that my priority is my God and my family. I am excelling at work, i keep getting awards and commendations for my work which is great. I will keep achieving things and excelling just that at this point of time i do not know who i am doing all this for. Irrespective of my previous statement this is all good for me. I confess that i love her and i want her to be happy. I can get a little greedy and say i want to be happy too which is what i am working towards,

Been a while since i have blogged but i was focusing on myself to understand where I am and what I am becoming. I found a lot of things changed in me but something that i have noticed a lot over the few weeks is how many persona's i have been adopting to. I have known myself forever :) of course forever and I still know how stable I am. I am strong, confident and very adamant (for good or bad) when i want something i go after it with all that i have got. I mostly achieve it as long its a thing but when it comes to people its hard to justify the statement that "I want the person and so i will go after him/her"

Ever heard the saying, "If you love something, let go of it and if it belongs to you, it will come back to you"? I heard it quiet often, even though the statement is pretty straight forward its not the easiest thing to do. From my point of view, simplest things are the most difficult to do in real life. Now that i let go of someone i am sharing mixed feelings on one hand i want the person to be with me so i can be happy while on the other hand i want the person to be happy which could mean the person might not be with me. I feel love for her and then i get angry at her, some people say its normal.

If i really love her, should i try to make her understand that i love her and that i would do anything to keep her happy or just let her be happy and move on with my life? How will i know if she is happy? or should i just be concerned about my happiness? People say, things happen and life goes on. How can you invest so much energy, time and self into something and then just let go of it but on the other hand if you dont let go of it, it will still let go of you and you end up being at the same place where you were. Always make an attempt but where does this attempt end?

Coming back to the persona's topic, like i mentioned i have mixed feelings about the person whenever i think about her in different situations. How do i control my emotions and come to a point where i can say, alright i let go of you? I do not have any emotions neither love nor anger against you. I would like to get there and am working on it everyday. I made my priorities in life, work, work and work as long as i am here but before that my priority is my God and my family. I am excelling at work, i keep getting awards and commendations for my work which is great. I will keep achieving things and excelling just that at this point of time i do not know who i am doing all this for. Irrespective of my previous statement this is all good for me. I confess that i love her and i want her to be happy. I can get a little greedy and say i want to be happy too which is what i am working towards and i know i will achieve :) I am learning from the lessons in the past and this is my first step to achieving it.

I want to achieve one persona, a persona of love, care, life and smile. I am making the effort on achieving this and i will achieve it.

Happiness

All my blog entries from now on will be to see what can make me happy and what is it that i can do to spread that happiness.

Live, Love and Laugh... still have your values and live by them.

Even though i want to and i know i find it hard right now to love everyone around me, including the ones that really insulted me or abused me, i will do it. Most important thing would be doing it with satisfaction.

I will do IT.

Night sky with stars..

I heard about the meteor shower from a colleague and decided to go watch it. After a long time... a very long time, i drove in the night to the foot hills and parked there waiting to see the meteors. One thing that i really miss in USA from India is lying down on the terrace and just staring into the sky looking at all the stars twinkling. Thats what i got to do yesterday night, even though there was no terrace i did climb up onto my car and lay down there for quiet a while. Night sky is just so amazing with stars. Its so calm and soothing, lets you think a lot clearer.

TBC

Spotlight Award for the Quarter...

I was awarded the "Spotlight Award" today in my company. It feels really good getting recognized for the efforts put in. This is really encouraging. Of course this was a complete team effort and i could not have achieved this alone. As usual i was missing in action when i was supposed to be taking the applaud and appreciation. It felt good to see the confidence my managers have in me. Thank God for this.

Effort - Inversely proportional to the expected result...

I noticed that the more effort you put into something the more you get away from the desired result. I am right now trying to keep myself occupied and get over certain things from my past and certain people, the more i try the more effort that i put into it more difficult it is getting for me. I wish i had one of those flash guns from MIB (Men in Black) where they flash it and you forget everything that happened before that point of time. It would help me so much in my life right now. I cant ask for anything more if i could get that but that's not a practical thing to expect because i don't have anything like that right now.

I put in lot of effort into being with someone and the result turned out to be exactly the opposite of what i desired and now i am putting in so much effort to being away from or to forget someone and the result is turning out to be exactly the opposite again. There is not a single day or maybe a single hour when i don't speak to myself about that person. I am trying really hard to finding that one way of not remembering anything about that person which will relieve me and also that person from my mind.

Since i did figure out that the effort we put into something is inversely proportional to the expected result, should i just not put any effort into forgetting the person and i will forget? Will have to think and try. Lets see.

Passion - Old times and New time...

Earth has evolved so much over the past hundreds of years so did the world and man. Life style, technology, culture etc have all changed over the time. Time also changed one more thing i.e... the meaning of words and the way different approaches are looked at. In olden days when Romeo and Juliet died for each other it became an epic and people still talk about their love story even today but if someone does the same today people would call them crazy :) Interesting shift of trends. Passion is a word that has great weight, its a very powerful word to use and is equally powerful when put into practice. Passion in old times was actually used in a good sense but today passion has taken a different meaning. In today's world, passion is termed as possessiveness or being control freaks. If you love someone fervently and passionately that you would do anything for them, others look at it as craziness and possessiveness. If you work really passionately and try to make everything perfect and immaculate, colleagues and co-workers think you are a control freak. I have certain values set for myself and i value my word and hope the same from others. If i say something i do it or atleast give in 100% to achieve it. More than the world changing its the way of thinking of man that has changed. I am still living in the old era where if i love someone i will love with full passion and if i pursue on doing something it has to be with passion. I have had people say that i am crazy and most people think i am because i am passionate about everything i say or want to have or do. There are things that don't really bother me and i do work towards achieving them but wouldn't feel bad if i cant. Its all about priority.

Money was never a priority for me and is not going to be but if i love someone they will always be my priority. Conclusion is i am passionate about my love and my life, everyone involved with me knows this and if my passion means craziness in today's world for others, it really doesn't matter to me. To me passion is still in the good sense and i will live that way.

Fear kills, Love/Respect builds...

There is a saying in hindi, "Jo darr gaya woh marr gaya" translating this into English, it means "anyone that is scared is dead." Interesting saying and i have been thinking about the way i am in many aspects. I do a lot of things that my elders or my superiors ask me to do. End of the day i start thinking and i also notice some of the others not doing this. So i think, why am i doing everything or most of the thing that they are asking me to do? I realized i do things not because i am scared of anyone but because i respect them or i love them.

Existence!

Existence in this world is a very funny fact. You are an individual living your life but there are so many others that constitute your life. There are many times in your life where you would want to make a decision and do something that would make you happy but cannot because of the other people involved in it. I sometimes think how it would be if i was all alone in this world, with no one to speak to, no one to think about and if i could just shut off my brain and myself from interacting with anyone. But then i think my parents and sister who have done so much for me if at all they thought the same i wouldn't be where i am today. Funny how priorities change in life, friends change but its just the family that is with you all the time. Its been a year since i have met my family they want me to go back and meet them which is what i want to do too but not the way i am right now. I will have to fight out a few things before i get to them.

Can i live my life all alone, without anyone around me? Don't want to speak to anyone or be with anyone. I have noticed myself that in the recent past i am getting more and more rude. This is not something i want to be and it is taking a lot for me to fight this. I want to love people not hate them. Even though i don't hate them today i am becoming very indifferent to them. I wish i get over this soon. i have noticed there are two ways of existence

• Introvert
• Extrovert

Introvert is how i have been all along and that's how i see myself being going further.

Choice?

Everything in life is a choice. Person living the life makes it, even though sometimes you feel like there is no other choice but that one thing, you still have a choice. When you say "Yes" to something, you are saying "No" to something else and vice versa. Think through the things properly before making a decision. Try and make the right choice.

To Speak or to be Quiet?

I believe in speaking to the other person if there is something that is bothering me. I have been thinking for the last few days if this is the right approach of course this might not be right all the time and i do this most of the times not all the times. So, the thought i had going on for a while is if i should speak to the other person if there is something i am worried about or concerned about concerning them or should i just be quiet and let things go under the rugs? The person that got me thinking this is the one that always used to say don't speak if there is anything, let the things just fade away. I don't think that things fade away just like that. If something is left unspoken or unaddressed it is going to build things on it. Frustrations will build and there will be a point where everything blows up. If things are addressed and taken care of from the beginning there will be no buildup and things will not turn ugly. I also tell everyone if i see something that i think should be done in consideration of others. People misunderstand me when i talk about certain things. When with others i think it is only fair to be considerate to everyone. There will be certain times when people cannot be as considerate to others but that understandable.

I still believe that things should be spoken about and cleared as far as possible. This habit of mine has bitten me really hard in the past but i think this is the way to do it not all the time but mostly. There would be times when things have to be dealt with in silence and i would. I love you... i know this is out of context but i just felt like saying this to the person i want to and i did. :)

How am I different?

I always wanted and tried to be different from everyone else that i have ever seen, met or know. There are times when i would do something against everyone else just because i wanted to be different but as i grew up i started realizing that its not the acts that actually make me different neither is it the looks. Its the thought process, the way i think, my approach towards different aspects is what makes me different. This is not an easy thing to achieve and i have this going on in my head all the time. I need to be different but rather than thinking so much i should just be myself which will make me unique and different. When looking into something ( i will call it an issue), looking at it with a plan helps this.

How can i do this?
What needs to be done in this and how differently can i do it?
What else can i do to add value to the solution?

TBC

Bygones are bygones...

Ever said this to someone or heard this form someone? I heard this a lot and i say this a lot to others too. Now that i am sitting here looking back there are so many things that i am unable to let go. I wish i could but am not able to, somethings that i love that hurt me. Looks like i liked the pain too. Why is it that i am finding it so hard to let go of something. Something that i did not start off to pursue but got so involved that i cant let go of it now. This is not supposed to happen, i should be able to decide and do what i should hold on to and what i should let go but how will i do it? A smile on the face can be deceiving, its hurting to the point where my smile is disappearing.

Flashback

From where i stand right now, when i look back i dont even realise where most of the time has vanished. Its been seven years since i have come to the US. I still remember the day when i stepped in US. Twenty years old, first time away from home. Its been a completely different experience for me ever since. I have learnt many things in the world. When i tell anyone the way i was brought up in India, most people have asked me if i was a spoilt kid or some assumed that i was a spoilt kid. My parents have literally provided me with anything i wanted even before i asked and thats how i want to love them back and love anyone in my life. This sometimes might not look right to the other person especially if they dont understand how and why this is done. Its the love that makes you do things for someone.
I miss being with my family, being with people that love me for what i am with all my flaws and inabilities. Seven years in US and i still remember the first day i stepped in US as yesterday. I almost remember everyday i have lived here sometimes, it looks like its been forever and sometimes it looks like it was just a day or a few hours. I wish i have someone that loves me and cares for me so i can sit with them, speak to them about everything going on in my life. I guess writing is the best even though blogging might not be the best idea. So my personal things would go into my journal and my not so personal thoughts will go into the blog.

Anyways this blog is on what i think not something for others.

Dating

Heard this conversation in a movie and i liked it. Made a lot of sense, i guess...

What is Dating?

It’s a long drawn out process of elimination, where you both try to present your best side while hiding the real you which lasts only three months because eventually it leaks out and then you spend another three months getting to know the real you and then one of you wants commitment while the other wants it to fail; and you have to start all over again.

Being Myself - 2

One of my friends that read my blog entry on "Being Myself" asked me a question, the question was "is it wiser to be with someone who u don't love that much?" My answer to this was "No, but when someone really loves you, they will never force you be something else that you are not and will be with you in getting over the fear of losing that person." The conversation then continued, my friend said you are talking about mutual love but then usually its one person who loves the other more and therefore the fear, which is true. That usually is the destructive love ( like my friend mentioned) but how can someone be self and equally love the other person for what they are? I do not say this is impossible but i have seen very few couples that are like that. I know a few of my friends that are such and they really encourage me with the way they are. God bless them and May they always be happy.

Final Destination - Reality?

The first thing that stuck me and that my friends mentioned after i read this news was, this sounds like final destination. The new is http://www.nbcchicago.com/news/us_world/NATL-Woman-Who-Missed-Flight-447-Killed-in-Car-Crash.html?yhp=1

Escaping death only to die again. May the souls of flight 447 victims and the two people that died in the car crash, Rest in Peace.

Being Myself

What do i mean by "Being Myself"?

Being myself is being anywhere with anyone and still being what i am, the way i talk, the way i act and the way i am. I have noticed that when you are emotionally attached to someone or something its extremely hard to be yourself, i have seen this happen to me. When you let emotions take over, you can never be yourself. When you are around someone that you love, respect, fear or hate a lot you can never be self.

When i was around the person that i loved a lot, i was never the same. This was partly because i loved the person a lot and partly because i was afraid i will lose the person. In managing the fear and love you generally tend to lose the person you love being with. The best way to love someone and be with someone is to be yourself, the other person should be in such a way that they let you be yourself and dont force you to be what they want you to be. That' is the perfect match and unconditional love that you can get from someone.

Be yourself no matter who you are with and what you want to be for them. This would be the first step to establishing a true and lasting relationship with anyone. I know its easier said than done, i have seen the tremendous change emotions can bring about in a person. Learning to control the emotions and not letting them take over yourself is the key here.

Past... Present... Future

How should the life be looked at? Is it about the past, present or the future?

I have heard a lot of people say life is about today! live in the present but i don't think so. Life includes past, present and future. Can anyone be born adult without being a child or skip their old age when they are bound to? The same way you can never forget or remove the past from your life, good or bad it is part of your life and you have to live with it. Its different when you learn to live with it but its a choice that a person makes. Some decide to live in the past some in present but i think life should be to live in present with what you have learnt in the past while looking at the future. I have said this in another post earlier but you hear people say " Life is short, you never know you might get hit by a bus, so live everyday like its your last day" but when you think about "Life is not short, you might not get hit by a bus today and you have to live with what you do today for the rest of your life" This makes a lot of sense to me. I do not wish to live everyday as my last day neither do i want to live my life in my past. Things that happened have happened, they should impact my life in a positive way not in a negative way. I shouldnot let what happened to me yesterday ruin my today or tomorrow neither should i be arrogant about my today because i dont think i have a tomorrow.

People that love/loved and hurt me, did what they had to some for a reason and some without any reason. I get angry at those things and that people but i would only be punishing myself if i hang on to them. It feels so good saying that i want to let go of everything from my past that holds me prisoner but i find it equally hard that things like that happened to me. I was punished for being nice and for loving but i am only listening to this from my end what does the other person have to say about this? Dont know, never got a chance to know this. Eben though i get really really angry at this person sometimes when i look back and think, i am getting mad at myself. Ok, i guess the topic is getting diverted now.

Bottom line i think is that life should be lived as a full package rather than breaking it into parts or choosing to live only some parts of it, pain and pleasure are both part of life, one should not chose to live with only one.

Sixth Sense... Dreams

Everyone knows about the five senses Sight, Sound, Smell, Taste and Touch but apart from these everyone must have heard of the sixth sense if not watched it at least, the movie ;) So what exactly is sixth sense? Is it something super-natural? Sixth sense to me is a combination of all five senses and focus and mental stability to understand and interpret the outcome of all the senses. It is no supernatural and it is not gifted to only a few chosen people. Everyone has the sixth sense, it depends on how they utilize it or sharpen their sense over the time. I have trained myself to be aware of my surroundings. I like playing "connecting the dots" every time i see something. I register things the first time and then the next time i look at it i try to see if anything changed. Guess i was training myself for my profession ;) i still have the same attitude and try and do the same. Over a period of time as you train self these senses sharpen and every aspect that is noticed can be tied to something that might happen. This is what i feel sixth sense is. If i can say when the pizza delivery guy is going to knock on the door its not because i see a vision but because i can hear someone climbing the stairs and its been approximately the same time when the pizza guy is supposed to be delivering the pizza.

Dreams on the other hand are similar to this but they have a little more mystery surrounding them, i guess i can only explain a bit about the dreams. Most of the dreams are based on the circumstances and the life around but there is a part to it where you can actually visualize things that might happen in the future. This part of it is unexplained and i don't know how to explain it either. I am a live example of someone that can dream about incidents and things that might be happening or might happen in future. I dreamt things about myself, my family and friends. I used to do dream interpretation for members on a social group but when it got really exhaustive i kind of gave up on that. I still do interpret for a few of my friends and most of the time i got a positive response from them. Dream interpretation is a very tiring thing to be doing. It drains the person mentally maybe because you put so much thought into it. I started a different blog on dreams and interpretation. http://scorpio-dreams.blogspot.com/ will start blogging on this as i can think and fill in information.

Now lastly, most of the times when you think or feel about something, somehow out of the blue you find yourself interacting about it. This could be as small as someone mentioning about the same or running into that person you were thinking about. This happens a lot to me but not all the time. I guess mostly i get lucky. There are things i wished for and got them almost instantly and times when i really really wanted something or someone but lost them completely, this is part of life :) Even though the thought that i lost them makes me sad i am learning to get over them and live my life. The topic is kind of drifting to my usual subject from the unusual topic i am writing about ;) This is the third thing i can think of, someone speaking something and it coming true.

The orange shirt!

On a lighter note in my blog, i liked an orange shirt when i went shopping last weekend for a friend and decided to get the orange one for myself. Initially i was a little hesitant on getting the orange shirt. I however figured that if i liked it i should get it and wear it, no matter what others feel or think about the color and i did get it. So i wore the shirt to my work today and sure enough i did get everyone's attention :) One colleague of mine said, someone's wearing an orange shirt while another said i could not help but notice you, were you wearing something different earlier? He obviously remembered seeing me yesterday in a different shirt but this was triggered by my today's shirt. This actually reminded me that i do know what i want and i should attempt for it irrespective of anyone or anything else. If i can get it and if i do get it well and good, if not tough luck, try for something else. Looks like i am learning to take things light now. I like the shirt and i now think i should get more bright colored shirts just for the heck of it ;)

Head Vs Heart

I noticed this after I wrote the title how Head and Heart have a difference in 2 letters and even reality when your mind is mostly precise and short it’s the heart that makes things difficult and painful. Both head and heart know about an issue but how does one know whether to listen to the head or the heart? My head thinks and says while my heart feels and says… this is a crossroad that I come to sometimes in my life and it’s not pleasant when I am there. Even though my head can prove to me beyond doubt sometimes the heart just forces me into believing something totally opposite, why does this happen? Does this mean my heart is always wrong and is biased? Not really, it’s just that the feelings overtake the reality. This does not happen too often but in one particular incident in my life I have noticed that coming into terms with the heart is really tough. I know I was cheated and I know I was played, my head says realize and react but my heart says that’s not true. You were not cheated or played, things just happened. Now I can take both arguments but I cannot be in peace with either my head or the heart. I keep getting pulled on either side, my head says you got to understand the issue and get out of it while my heart says how can you abandon halfway? There are something’s that are to be dealt with both head and heart while some that are to be dealt purely with only either head or heart but not both. How do we know which issue needs what? Human nature by default is to pick something that is unavailable, dangerous or something that leads in the wrong path. I have noticed that women compared to men are more practical and deal with most of the things with their head while men on the other hand are emotional and deal with their heart. I am not saying that all things are to be dealt with a pre-conceived notion of categorizing issues to be dealt with head or heart but there definitely is no way of knowing something for sure unless you jump into it. Risk has to be taken to look at the end result of any decision. I have taken this risk and the hurt I received in return is great though I am striving hard I am getting to a point where I want to use my head and not let my heart say anything in any matter. Heart makes a person weak, people of strongest character lose everything and give in to their hearts which gives an opportunity to others to play with them. Never try to hold on to anything too tight, nothing is permanent and the more you try the certain you can be that you will lose it. I wish it’s not that way but that’s the fact. Heart causes a lot of pain. Ultimately head over heart is what looks like the best way to me.

Hurt...Pain...

Have been thinking a lot about pain when these questions arose,

• What is it that causes pain or hurt to man?
• Who is it that can hurt anyone or anything?
• Why does a man have to be hurt?

Thinking a lot on all these questions i saw many reasons but came to one conclusion. Its man that hurts man. Other than the natural calamities given as a punishment to humans by God or the natural process i cant think of anything other aspect where pain is caused by someone else. I heard the anti-guns saying " Guns don't kill people, people kill people" the same way its just another human that causes the pain and agony to someone else. It need not necessarily intentional or intended but it hurts. Love hurts, i experienced it and it hurts a lot but again its not the love that hurts but its the very person or the other person involved that causes it. Pain is a feeling that can be because of physical effect or because of the emotional effect. I feel pain is the same feeling as being happy, they both cause anxiety, they both bring tears.

Does this mean you can smile when you are in pain?

I try to smile when i am in pain. I have always tried to make other people happy no matter if it makes me uncomfortable or sad. I noticed that sometimes that is what people hate about me. I hate it when someone causes me pain and it makes me mad. I realised that anytime when i am upset or hurt and think about what the other person has done to me, i tend to focus more on their mistakes or acts and forget to look into what i might have done to make them act that way. This necessarily doesnot mean that i do something everytime someone hurts me. I have had people hurt me when i least expected or when i did nothing to make them act like that. It hurts less when you are hurt by people that you do not know or do expect to hurt you as opposed to getting hurt by someone that you love so much and don't expect to get hurt by.

Why do people hurt each other?

People hurt each other out of some necessity that they have to satisfy. Not everyone can satisfy everyone. If you satisfy someone that on the other side means you dissatisfied someone else, its almost like "if you say yes to something, you are saying no to something else" There always is a choice to people. It depends on what choice an individual makes. Looking from an individuals perspective they would always want all the odds to be on their side and that all the choices be made such that they favor them but that's not always possible, especially when it involves more than one person in life. There is nothing a man can change in life ( this statement is very debatable may be in another post) Man can make efforts and work to change things and sometimes he is successful while other times not so lucky.

• Is there a way man can avoid this pain?
• Does isolating self help prevent man from getting hurt and more importantly hurting someone else?
• If hurt by someone should the man forgive the person and live his life?
• Will this be taken as his goodness or as his helplessness?
• Will the person that hurt him ever realise what they have done if they are forgiven and never made to realise what they did?

Will i ever find answers to all these questions? Let me wait and see if i will... I hope to find the right answer and make the right choice so i dont hurt anyone else neither hurt myself.

Feeling called Love...

Love has no boundary; love has no color, creed, cast, language or religion. This is true for many people but from what I have noticed love does not happen, people create it. I said this earlier when I wrote, Love is getting used to someone, getting used to thinking about someone, being with someone and wanting to be with that person. I heard this somewhere “You don’t have a choice to decide on a lot of things in life, you can’t decide where you want to be born, who you want your family to be, how you want to be; you can’t even choose who you love but you can choose how you love.” How can someone not understand that they are being loved by the actions, by the talks and by looking into someone’s eyes? Life always need not be practical, sometimes things take time. If someone cannot give time to the other person to understand them and get to know them they should not get involved.

There are different ways a person shows his/her love to the other person. These ways in which ones love is shown should not be misunderstood. If two people are in love and they understand each other they would never mistake the acts of the other person. Anyone would want to give the person they love everything they ever wanted buy everything they wanted no matter what the piece is and buy it yourself. This does not mean the person is trying to buy out the other person. Getting a gift or giving everything that one person has is out of love and should be understood that way not misunderstood to be either the weakness or wickedness of that person. Being there for the other person all the time every time even before they ask or share the need is not their weakness, it’s the love. You see what the other person wants or needs in their eyes and not wait for them to ask. Little things that make them happy, small acts that show that the person is cared for, these are all that show the love.

This is something I have recently started saying to myself, “If Life is all about love learn to receive and if life is all about pain then share it.” This only makes sense to me because when you actually love someone and give them everything in your power and do everything for them, they do not realize it or recognize it. Anything that’s within reach is always worth little than things that never exist and are not within reach. Never take the other person for granted. Remember the small things that the person has done to make you happy. Any time spent with that person is always worth it. These are the moments in life that can never be forgotten and when looked back bring a smile and make the person feel happy. They are capable of making you feel as miserable as they can make you happy.

Don’t expect the person to change for you; instead if the person is changing help the person to be themselves not abandon them because they were changing for the one they loved, if that’s not what the person wants they must work on it. People say life is short, you can get hit by a bus anytime so live every day like it’s the last day of your life but ever thought that life is long, you probably will not get hit by a bus and you are going to have to live with the choices you make for the rest of your life.

Love has everything; both the people must be attracted to each other emotionally, physically and logically. To me the feeling of love is “wanting to wake up next to her, kiss her on the forehead and wish her good morning every morning, have her on my side when i go to sleep every night knowing that she will be there for me when I wake up next morning & that i can be there for her all the time every time. Waking up to look at her smile when kissed on her forehead in the morning. “

Persistence wins love but both the people should make an effort to build and nourish it. One person cannot be expected to be persistent. Mean what you say, say what you expect or want and don’t leave anything to be guessed for, to the most possible extent.

Mirror

Everyone wants to be good, wants to be different. In this process they make sure they are different from the people around them, they analyze others and try not to repeat their mistakes but things go wrong somewhere and sometimes. “Actions speak louder than words,” this is so true. All a person living in an illusion needs is a mirror and this comes in the form of another person. Sometime of the life there will be a person that will show him what he actually is and what he has done not necessarily all through the life but could be a phase. There can be no excuses to what was done, it’s not about what the person thinks (good or bad) or feels but it’s about what the person does. Never listen to your heart, its emotional; think with your mind and act.

The point of time where your reflection is shown to you is scary, a point where that person might wish he was never born or lived long enough to do something like that. The person tends to get into denial and does not want to accept what he has done. He can fight all he wants, can deny all he wants but fact remains fact. He can play blame game, point fingers at others but when analyzed within heart he would know what he has done. This reaction is but an act of denial having exposed to the truth. The person should rather accept what he has done and think about what needs to be done next. Certain things by the time you realize are too late, there would be nothing he can do to fix or correct. Living with the guilt of what he has done is the price he has to pay for what was done. In this whole thing the other people that get involved are innocent and don’t need any of this in their life but having caused this will be the worst that he can carry on his shoulders. Why don’t people realize what they are doing before it is too late?

Falling from the sight of others, one can still survive but what happens when one falls from own sight???

Gran Torino

I just got back watching Gran Torino, a movie acted and directed by Clint Eastwood. I saw the trailers of this movie when I went to watch another movie and found it very interesting. I did not know who Clint Eastwood was before this movie (my knowledge on the Hollywood actors is really poor) but now I do and I think he is a damn good actor and director. For some reason I felt the movie was kind of slow at times but that could just be me. The subject was very interesting though not unique or completely new it was made really well. Each character in the movie played their role with dedication and concentration. This is a movie I would definitely suggest everyone to watch. Clint Eastwood carried his character and the whole movie all through it. A very thought provoking and inspiring movie. The end of this movie was different, something I did not guess. Don’t think this is a real story but I can think of a lot of people that have done what “Walter Kowalsky” (Clint Eastwood) has done. The script was good and the direction was very good. Clint Eastwood was a perfect fit to the character. Go watch the movie and think after you do watch it. Good Job Clint Eastwood, I will now get other movies he has made and watch them.

Return to Writing...

My last blog entry was on the 3rd of September. I kind of stopped writing anything from then on. Cant say got too busy but i guess i just got caught up with life. Somethings are unexplainable they can neither be kept for self nor can they be revealed to others. It hurts not telling someone and it hurts if they are told to someone. I am right now sitting in my apartment typing this blog and staring out through the window at the dark sky thinking about a lot of things. How did I end up here? Is this good or bad? I always said whatever happens happens for a reason and it usually is for good. I now sit here wondering about what has happened and how it happened. Is this good or bad? If good, am I happy with it? If bad, why did this ever have to happen?

Time is flying, its already been a month into the new year. Everything seems so unstable, the market is so fragile right now everyone is worried about their jobs. Life has become so routine once again but i guess this is how life has to be.

I am going to be working towards my goals this year and lets see how far i can achieve them.

May this year bring happiness and peace to everyone.
I know i am a month late but "Wish you all a very Happy and Prosperous New Year." :)