How am I different?

I always wanted and tried to be different from everyone else that i have ever seen, met or know. There are times when i would do something against everyone else just because i wanted to be different but as i grew up i started realizing that its not the acts that actually make me different neither is it the looks. Its the thought process, the way i think, my approach towards different aspects is what makes me different. This is not an easy thing to achieve and i have this going on in my head all the time. I need to be different but rather than thinking so much i should just be myself which will make me unique and different. When looking into something ( i will call it an issue), looking at it with a plan helps this.

How can i do this?
What needs to be done in this and how differently can i do it?
What else can i do to add value to the solution?

TBC

Bygones are bygones...

Ever said this to someone or heard this form someone? I heard this a lot and i say this a lot to others too. Now that i am sitting here looking back there are so many things that i am unable to let go. I wish i could but am not able to, somethings that i love that hurt me. Looks like i liked the pain too. Why is it that i am finding it so hard to let go of something. Something that i did not start off to pursue but got so involved that i cant let go of it now. This is not supposed to happen, i should be able to decide and do what i should hold on to and what i should let go but how will i do it? A smile on the face can be deceiving, its hurting to the point where my smile is disappearing.

Flashback

From where i stand right now, when i look back i dont even realise where most of the time has vanished. Its been seven years since i have come to the US. I still remember the day when i stepped in US. Twenty years old, first time away from home. Its been a completely different experience for me ever since. I have learnt many things in the world. When i tell anyone the way i was brought up in India, most people have asked me if i was a spoilt kid or some assumed that i was a spoilt kid. My parents have literally provided me with anything i wanted even before i asked and thats how i want to love them back and love anyone in my life. This sometimes might not look right to the other person especially if they dont understand how and why this is done. Its the love that makes you do things for someone.
I miss being with my family, being with people that love me for what i am with all my flaws and inabilities. Seven years in US and i still remember the first day i stepped in US as yesterday. I almost remember everyday i have lived here sometimes, it looks like its been forever and sometimes it looks like it was just a day or a few hours. I wish i have someone that loves me and cares for me so i can sit with them, speak to them about everything going on in my life. I guess writing is the best even though blogging might not be the best idea. So my personal things would go into my journal and my not so personal thoughts will go into the blog.

Anyways this blog is on what i think not something for others.

Dating

Heard this conversation in a movie and i liked it. Made a lot of sense, i guess...

What is Dating?

It’s a long drawn out process of elimination, where you both try to present your best side while hiding the real you which lasts only three months because eventually it leaks out and then you spend another three months getting to know the real you and then one of you wants commitment while the other wants it to fail; and you have to start all over again.

Being Myself - 2

One of my friends that read my blog entry on "Being Myself" asked me a question, the question was "is it wiser to be with someone who u don't love that much?" My answer to this was "No, but when someone really loves you, they will never force you be something else that you are not and will be with you in getting over the fear of losing that person." The conversation then continued, my friend said you are talking about mutual love but then usually its one person who loves the other more and therefore the fear, which is true. That usually is the destructive love ( like my friend mentioned) but how can someone be self and equally love the other person for what they are? I do not say this is impossible but i have seen very few couples that are like that. I know a few of my friends that are such and they really encourage me with the way they are. God bless them and May they always be happy.

Final Destination - Reality?

The first thing that stuck me and that my friends mentioned after i read this news was, this sounds like final destination. The new is http://www.nbcchicago.com/news/us_world/NATL-Woman-Who-Missed-Flight-447-Killed-in-Car-Crash.html?yhp=1

Escaping death only to die again. May the souls of flight 447 victims and the two people that died in the car crash, Rest in Peace.

Being Myself

What do i mean by "Being Myself"?

Being myself is being anywhere with anyone and still being what i am, the way i talk, the way i act and the way i am. I have noticed that when you are emotionally attached to someone or something its extremely hard to be yourself, i have seen this happen to me. When you let emotions take over, you can never be yourself. When you are around someone that you love, respect, fear or hate a lot you can never be self.

When i was around the person that i loved a lot, i was never the same. This was partly because i loved the person a lot and partly because i was afraid i will lose the person. In managing the fear and love you generally tend to lose the person you love being with. The best way to love someone and be with someone is to be yourself, the other person should be in such a way that they let you be yourself and dont force you to be what they want you to be. That' is the perfect match and unconditional love that you can get from someone.

Be yourself no matter who you are with and what you want to be for them. This would be the first step to establishing a true and lasting relationship with anyone. I know its easier said than done, i have seen the tremendous change emotions can bring about in a person. Learning to control the emotions and not letting them take over yourself is the key here.

Past... Present... Future

How should the life be looked at? Is it about the past, present or the future?

I have heard a lot of people say life is about today! live in the present but i don't think so. Life includes past, present and future. Can anyone be born adult without being a child or skip their old age when they are bound to? The same way you can never forget or remove the past from your life, good or bad it is part of your life and you have to live with it. Its different when you learn to live with it but its a choice that a person makes. Some decide to live in the past some in present but i think life should be to live in present with what you have learnt in the past while looking at the future. I have said this in another post earlier but you hear people say " Life is short, you never know you might get hit by a bus, so live everyday like its your last day" but when you think about "Life is not short, you might not get hit by a bus today and you have to live with what you do today for the rest of your life" This makes a lot of sense to me. I do not wish to live everyday as my last day neither do i want to live my life in my past. Things that happened have happened, they should impact my life in a positive way not in a negative way. I shouldnot let what happened to me yesterday ruin my today or tomorrow neither should i be arrogant about my today because i dont think i have a tomorrow.

People that love/loved and hurt me, did what they had to some for a reason and some without any reason. I get angry at those things and that people but i would only be punishing myself if i hang on to them. It feels so good saying that i want to let go of everything from my past that holds me prisoner but i find it equally hard that things like that happened to me. I was punished for being nice and for loving but i am only listening to this from my end what does the other person have to say about this? Dont know, never got a chance to know this. Eben though i get really really angry at this person sometimes when i look back and think, i am getting mad at myself. Ok, i guess the topic is getting diverted now.

Bottom line i think is that life should be lived as a full package rather than breaking it into parts or choosing to live only some parts of it, pain and pleasure are both part of life, one should not chose to live with only one.

Sixth Sense... Dreams

Everyone knows about the five senses Sight, Sound, Smell, Taste and Touch but apart from these everyone must have heard of the sixth sense if not watched it at least, the movie ;) So what exactly is sixth sense? Is it something super-natural? Sixth sense to me is a combination of all five senses and focus and mental stability to understand and interpret the outcome of all the senses. It is no supernatural and it is not gifted to only a few chosen people. Everyone has the sixth sense, it depends on how they utilize it or sharpen their sense over the time. I have trained myself to be aware of my surroundings. I like playing "connecting the dots" every time i see something. I register things the first time and then the next time i look at it i try to see if anything changed. Guess i was training myself for my profession ;) i still have the same attitude and try and do the same. Over a period of time as you train self these senses sharpen and every aspect that is noticed can be tied to something that might happen. This is what i feel sixth sense is. If i can say when the pizza delivery guy is going to knock on the door its not because i see a vision but because i can hear someone climbing the stairs and its been approximately the same time when the pizza guy is supposed to be delivering the pizza.

Dreams on the other hand are similar to this but they have a little more mystery surrounding them, i guess i can only explain a bit about the dreams. Most of the dreams are based on the circumstances and the life around but there is a part to it where you can actually visualize things that might happen in the future. This part of it is unexplained and i don't know how to explain it either. I am a live example of someone that can dream about incidents and things that might be happening or might happen in future. I dreamt things about myself, my family and friends. I used to do dream interpretation for members on a social group but when it got really exhaustive i kind of gave up on that. I still do interpret for a few of my friends and most of the time i got a positive response from them. Dream interpretation is a very tiring thing to be doing. It drains the person mentally maybe because you put so much thought into it. I started a different blog on dreams and interpretation. http://scorpio-dreams.blogspot.com/ will start blogging on this as i can think and fill in information.

Now lastly, most of the times when you think or feel about something, somehow out of the blue you find yourself interacting about it. This could be as small as someone mentioning about the same or running into that person you were thinking about. This happens a lot to me but not all the time. I guess mostly i get lucky. There are things i wished for and got them almost instantly and times when i really really wanted something or someone but lost them completely, this is part of life :) Even though the thought that i lost them makes me sad i am learning to get over them and live my life. The topic is kind of drifting to my usual subject from the unusual topic i am writing about ;) This is the third thing i can think of, someone speaking something and it coming true.

The orange shirt!

On a lighter note in my blog, i liked an orange shirt when i went shopping last weekend for a friend and decided to get the orange one for myself. Initially i was a little hesitant on getting the orange shirt. I however figured that if i liked it i should get it and wear it, no matter what others feel or think about the color and i did get it. So i wore the shirt to my work today and sure enough i did get everyone's attention :) One colleague of mine said, someone's wearing an orange shirt while another said i could not help but notice you, were you wearing something different earlier? He obviously remembered seeing me yesterday in a different shirt but this was triggered by my today's shirt. This actually reminded me that i do know what i want and i should attempt for it irrespective of anyone or anything else. If i can get it and if i do get it well and good, if not tough luck, try for something else. Looks like i am learning to take things light now. I like the shirt and i now think i should get more bright colored shirts just for the heck of it ;)

Head Vs Heart

I noticed this after I wrote the title how Head and Heart have a difference in 2 letters and even reality when your mind is mostly precise and short it’s the heart that makes things difficult and painful. Both head and heart know about an issue but how does one know whether to listen to the head or the heart? My head thinks and says while my heart feels and says… this is a crossroad that I come to sometimes in my life and it’s not pleasant when I am there. Even though my head can prove to me beyond doubt sometimes the heart just forces me into believing something totally opposite, why does this happen? Does this mean my heart is always wrong and is biased? Not really, it’s just that the feelings overtake the reality. This does not happen too often but in one particular incident in my life I have noticed that coming into terms with the heart is really tough. I know I was cheated and I know I was played, my head says realize and react but my heart says that’s not true. You were not cheated or played, things just happened. Now I can take both arguments but I cannot be in peace with either my head or the heart. I keep getting pulled on either side, my head says you got to understand the issue and get out of it while my heart says how can you abandon halfway? There are something’s that are to be dealt with both head and heart while some that are to be dealt purely with only either head or heart but not both. How do we know which issue needs what? Human nature by default is to pick something that is unavailable, dangerous or something that leads in the wrong path. I have noticed that women compared to men are more practical and deal with most of the things with their head while men on the other hand are emotional and deal with their heart. I am not saying that all things are to be dealt with a pre-conceived notion of categorizing issues to be dealt with head or heart but there definitely is no way of knowing something for sure unless you jump into it. Risk has to be taken to look at the end result of any decision. I have taken this risk and the hurt I received in return is great though I am striving hard I am getting to a point where I want to use my head and not let my heart say anything in any matter. Heart makes a person weak, people of strongest character lose everything and give in to their hearts which gives an opportunity to others to play with them. Never try to hold on to anything too tight, nothing is permanent and the more you try the certain you can be that you will lose it. I wish it’s not that way but that’s the fact. Heart causes a lot of pain. Ultimately head over heart is what looks like the best way to me.