Spotlight Award for the Quarter...

I was awarded the "Spotlight Award" today in my company. It feels really good getting recognized for the efforts put in. This is really encouraging. Of course this was a complete team effort and i could not have achieved this alone. As usual i was missing in action when i was supposed to be taking the applaud and appreciation. It felt good to see the confidence my managers have in me. Thank God for this.

Effort - Inversely proportional to the expected result...

I noticed that the more effort you put into something the more you get away from the desired result. I am right now trying to keep myself occupied and get over certain things from my past and certain people, the more i try the more effort that i put into it more difficult it is getting for me. I wish i had one of those flash guns from MIB (Men in Black) where they flash it and you forget everything that happened before that point of time. It would help me so much in my life right now. I cant ask for anything more if i could get that but that's not a practical thing to expect because i don't have anything like that right now.

I put in lot of effort into being with someone and the result turned out to be exactly the opposite of what i desired and now i am putting in so much effort to being away from or to forget someone and the result is turning out to be exactly the opposite again. There is not a single day or maybe a single hour when i don't speak to myself about that person. I am trying really hard to finding that one way of not remembering anything about that person which will relieve me and also that person from my mind.

Since i did figure out that the effort we put into something is inversely proportional to the expected result, should i just not put any effort into forgetting the person and i will forget? Will have to think and try. Lets see.

Passion - Old times and New time...

Earth has evolved so much over the past hundreds of years so did the world and man. Life style, technology, culture etc have all changed over the time. Time also changed one more thing i.e... the meaning of words and the way different approaches are looked at. In olden days when Romeo and Juliet died for each other it became an epic and people still talk about their love story even today but if someone does the same today people would call them crazy :) Interesting shift of trends. Passion is a word that has great weight, its a very powerful word to use and is equally powerful when put into practice. Passion in old times was actually used in a good sense but today passion has taken a different meaning. In today's world, passion is termed as possessiveness or being control freaks. If you love someone fervently and passionately that you would do anything for them, others look at it as craziness and possessiveness. If you work really passionately and try to make everything perfect and immaculate, colleagues and co-workers think you are a control freak. I have certain values set for myself and i value my word and hope the same from others. If i say something i do it or atleast give in 100% to achieve it. More than the world changing its the way of thinking of man that has changed. I am still living in the old era where if i love someone i will love with full passion and if i pursue on doing something it has to be with passion. I have had people say that i am crazy and most people think i am because i am passionate about everything i say or want to have or do. There are things that don't really bother me and i do work towards achieving them but wouldn't feel bad if i cant. Its all about priority.

Money was never a priority for me and is not going to be but if i love someone they will always be my priority. Conclusion is i am passionate about my love and my life, everyone involved with me knows this and if my passion means craziness in today's world for others, it really doesn't matter to me. To me passion is still in the good sense and i will live that way.

Fear kills, Love/Respect builds...

There is a saying in hindi, "Jo darr gaya woh marr gaya" translating this into English, it means "anyone that is scared is dead." Interesting saying and i have been thinking about the way i am in many aspects. I do a lot of things that my elders or my superiors ask me to do. End of the day i start thinking and i also notice some of the others not doing this. So i think, why am i doing everything or most of the thing that they are asking me to do? I realized i do things not because i am scared of anyone but because i respect them or i love them.

Existence!

Existence in this world is a very funny fact. You are an individual living your life but there are so many others that constitute your life. There are many times in your life where you would want to make a decision and do something that would make you happy but cannot because of the other people involved in it. I sometimes think how it would be if i was all alone in this world, with no one to speak to, no one to think about and if i could just shut off my brain and myself from interacting with anyone. But then i think my parents and sister who have done so much for me if at all they thought the same i wouldn't be where i am today. Funny how priorities change in life, friends change but its just the family that is with you all the time. Its been a year since i have met my family they want me to go back and meet them which is what i want to do too but not the way i am right now. I will have to fight out a few things before i get to them.

Can i live my life all alone, without anyone around me? Don't want to speak to anyone or be with anyone. I have noticed myself that in the recent past i am getting more and more rude. This is not something i want to be and it is taking a lot for me to fight this. I want to love people not hate them. Even though i don't hate them today i am becoming very indifferent to them. I wish i get over this soon. i have noticed there are two ways of existence

• Introvert
• Extrovert

Introvert is how i have been all along and that's how i see myself being going further.

Choice?

Everything in life is a choice. Person living the life makes it, even though sometimes you feel like there is no other choice but that one thing, you still have a choice. When you say "Yes" to something, you are saying "No" to something else and vice versa. Think through the things properly before making a decision. Try and make the right choice.

To Speak or to be Quiet?

I believe in speaking to the other person if there is something that is bothering me. I have been thinking for the last few days if this is the right approach of course this might not be right all the time and i do this most of the times not all the times. So, the thought i had going on for a while is if i should speak to the other person if there is something i am worried about or concerned about concerning them or should i just be quiet and let things go under the rugs? The person that got me thinking this is the one that always used to say don't speak if there is anything, let the things just fade away. I don't think that things fade away just like that. If something is left unspoken or unaddressed it is going to build things on it. Frustrations will build and there will be a point where everything blows up. If things are addressed and taken care of from the beginning there will be no buildup and things will not turn ugly. I also tell everyone if i see something that i think should be done in consideration of others. People misunderstand me when i talk about certain things. When with others i think it is only fair to be considerate to everyone. There will be certain times when people cannot be as considerate to others but that understandable.

I still believe that things should be spoken about and cleared as far as possible. This habit of mine has bitten me really hard in the past but i think this is the way to do it not all the time but mostly. There would be times when things have to be dealt with in silence and i would. I love you... i know this is out of context but i just felt like saying this to the person i want to and i did. :)